Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I have a weird story and I want to know if anybody else has experienced something like this. I've taken MDMA a few times, it's been awesome. At 2018 Burning Man, I took MDMA and it was awesome, but the comedown was a nightmare. As it wore off I became overwhelmed with intense-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
anxiety and crazy thoughts. I thought everyone hated me even though I knew that was silly. I laid the entire night without being able to sleep because the anxiety was too strong. It was absolutely horrible. Well into the next morning, still without having slept, I finally-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
drank some water (without knowing it I'd gotten *extremely* dehydrated), and then belched MASSIVE belches. Immediately after belching the anxiety vanished and I was totally fine. I slept and got back on with my festival. That was weird. Ok but here's where it gets weirder
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Months later, on December 8th, I was drunk after a wedding and going to sleep. As I was going to sleep, I causally remembered that I was planning on doing MDMA the next day. With that thought came this massive wave of anxiety again, it took me hours to get to sleep. But this time
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
it took a year before it fully went away. It was just this ever-present, acausal lump in my chest that was *always* there, couldn't be reasoned with, I had no idea what was going on. And it was always relieved whenever I belched. I started drinking fizzy water to help-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
induce belches and thus alleviate my anxiety. Nowadays I'm almost entirely back to my old levels of chronic chillness; but still, whenever some acute thing sparks even a little anxiety in me, I start belching. I don't understand why this is. Does anyone else have this??
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
The "belch+anxiety" thing only started after that original bad dehydrated comedown. I think maybe it threw off some... digestive balance that regulates stress? Or something? Do I have a bacterial overgrowth that threw my chill out of whack? Why the fuck does belching fix it all?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@QiaochuYuan
as in like, i've never once encountered something that maps onto this. Like, processing childhood trauma around abuse did not take this form; it was 'accessible' in some way, like in my mind I could tell that there was an *experience* I'd had that was responsible, even if I-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@QiaochuYuan
didn't exactly know why it was responsible or how I related to that experience. But it was a shape in my head, like "Yes, something around that made me feel weird." This belching thing has zero shape. It's the only anxiety to have zero shape.
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no_defects
@no_defects
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@QiaochuYuan
the thing that’s helped me on my digestive/emotional journey (lol) has been the understanding that the link goes both ways: if you improve depression, you improve the microbiome and vice versa.maybe the mdma unleashed some unprocessed emotions that fucked up your gut bacteria 😶
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