I wonder how much of my difficulty understanding nonbinary identities comes from having been in sex work for sooo long, where the genitals you have are incredibly important to how you're treated and the role you play.
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i think it's like any other identity -- there's gender-as-perceived-by-others and internal gender identity, and these don't have to be the same thing (but if it's really important to someone for these to conform, then it makes sense to take steps towards this)
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