I wonder how much of my difficulty understanding nonbinary identities comes from having been in sex work for sooo long, where the genitals you have are incredibly important to how you're treated and the role you play.
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isn't that why some people use the term "agender," though? it's possible to believe there are only two genders and to... essentially opt out
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My understanding of gender isn't that it's self-determined. Gender, for me, is a societal understanding. It's not real. It's determined by society. The idea that you can decide it for yourself without undertaking society's ritual to transform that understanding is weird to me.
i think it's like any other identity -- there's gender-as-perceived-by-others and internal gender identity, and these don't have to be the same thing (but if it's really important to someone for these to conform, then it makes sense to take steps towards this)
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