I wonder how much of my difficulty understanding nonbinary identities comes from having been in sex work for sooo long, where the genitals you have are incredibly important to how you're treated and the role you play.
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In this context, if an afab said she wasn't a woman, id be like, that's nice but that means nothing. People are still going to pay you because of the way you look. Saying you're not a woman has no impact on all the things that are important about being a woman
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This would maybe predict that nonbinary identities are more common in more gender-equal worlds, or worlds where there's a strong insistence that genders be treated the same.
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I think that's very true. I am nb and this is especially important to me in the context that in most areas of life except for private it is not important which genitals people have. Such things don't seem to be important for how society functions at large in developed countries.
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I, in turn, understand how the gender binary has emerged and what is it's place in the world, but it doesn't come naturally to me, seems even counterintuitive, since in the things that I am occupied with gender is of no relevance.
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I partly see non-binary identities as helping to create such a world, by blurring the lines and confusing pre-existing associations between how we treat someone and how one looks/(assumed) genitals/etc
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