As in, I came out of a very religious community who used similar concepts about 'causing pain' and 'hurting us' when the thing I was doing was just expressing my ideas. And like... they weren't wrong, but I learned that I need to have boundaries around that.
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That just because someone tells me I'm hurting them doesn't mean I'm... actually hurting them? Or, I am, but in the same way I hurt my old religious community, which is something that's an unfortunate side effect but I'm not going to change my behavior to appease them.
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So when I hear people on twitter saying "stop you're hurting us", how am I supposed to tell this apart from the arguments the religious people made to try to control me?
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At the very base of this - Please don’t think those of us offering criticisms are trying to control you - we aren’t - we are hoping you’ll hear us and consider what we are saying. Ultimately religious identity is a choice, and being autistic or having a genetic condition is not.
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Right, but my point here is not whether or not it's a choice, my point is that people are telling me that harm is being done, but I consider that harm to be a necessary aspect of my self expression.
I've gone public in other spheres about my leaving the faith and similarly got-
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-a huge amount of emails from christians trying to tell me that I was wrong, that I needed to listen to them, that I needed to stop saying these things.
And like... no. I believe what I believe and I'm going to keep expressing my ideas on the world and my experiences of it.
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Much as I'm not *actually* hurting the religous people; I'm not punching them, removing their rights, burning their houses down, I'm also not *actually* hurting the autistic people. The pain they feel, while real and valid, comes out of *their* perspective on the world.
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In this sense, the people who are hurt are hurt because they believe they should be hurt, not because I am actually doing anything hurtful.
So... I know they're telling me to stop, and that they're hurt. But I'm not going to stop. I think they should update their worldview.
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Much as religious people would probably experience greater freedom and less pain if they left their religion, I also think autistic people would experience greater freedom and less pain if they left their framework that leads to them getting hurt by me expressing myself.
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Unfortunately - that’s not how it works. We can’t just suddenly not feel insulted by people debating our existence
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Right, I agree! I would like to be able to lay out enough information such that we can learn to not feel insulted by these debates, though. It seems like a super useful skill.
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I think you’re missing my point there - doesn’t debating about whether or not we should exist feel strange to you? I think most people would feel odd thinking about others having an opinion on their existence in the world..
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Not at all? I can see how a reasonable person, who views autism as a really painful thing that makes life hard and creates suffering, might think that it would be a loving and kind thing to do to stop future autism from existing. I saw some autistic people express this sentiment.
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I think debating without getting angry or falling into shitty tactics is a really useful skill, but I think it’s absolutely valid for anyone to feel insulted or upset at someone debating if they should exist or not