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I've been increasingly viewing lots of social norms like politeness language as having evolved as defense against attack. Any possible impolite oddities in my speech become vulnerabilities to attack; politeness feels like it emerged as the default least attackable wall
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As in; I wonder how much politeness norms evolved as being a set of the most culturally and morally defensible default actions. They're both practically useful (e.g. you can't be blamed for not caring when you ask how your day was), and also a signal that you know how to defend.
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Polite doesn't mean harmless. Many people confuse the two - but that can be a fatal mistake. Or, to put it another way ... manners maketh man. youtube.com/watch?v=Yl5wMX :)
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I read something once that stuck with me, to the effect that the core of good manners is less about not causing offence than it is about not showing when you yourself are offended. It was a very British source, but it is lost to me now.
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Isn't that how "social norms" came to be too start with? As what is viewed as normal or acceptable changes, people change to fit that. Maybe not because they agree with it, but because they don't want to be attacked for a view outside that norm