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Sure. If someone believes they have red hair when they have blonde hair, and they're very upset if you say they have blonde hair, then I'm happy to not bring it up or mention it. But my perception of them as having blonde hair is mine, and describing them as redhead feels weird.

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Like it's being untruthful to my experience of them in order to make them feel better. And like, I'm ok with that! I'm okay with lying to them about how I experience them if they actively want me to pretend. I'm not gonna judge them for it mattering a lot.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 8, 2020

Right, and I think this is getting closer to the heart of how my gender framework differs. For me, gender is much closer to a discrete category than anything else; I process the definition of gender as internally decided as inconsistent and nonsensical, like what does it mean?

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when e.g. an afab nonbinary person tells me they're not a woman, im like... what does that even mean? You look like a woman, obviously. You act like one, people treat you like one. What does it mean to not 'feel like' one? How could you 'feel like' anything?

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Or when someone 'feels like' a woman - what does that mean? Does it mean you want to wear women's clothes? Or have people want to try to have sex with you? Or that you want to have a vagina? All of those are ok - but I want to know exactly which one it is.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 8, 2020

but i sort of don't accept this. Like, I'm open to answers! But the problem is here there seem to be zero answers that are core to identity itself and not attached to signalling. If there can't be an answer to what gender identity feels like then I can't accept it as a concept.

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

I'm down with women having a wide variety of presentations. But I have no idea what 'feel like a woman' means, still. How do they know the thing they feel like is 'woman'? There must be a concept of what a woman is for them to know that they feel like one.

12:53 AM · Apr 8, 2020

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

Apr 8, 2020

But okay - this still doesn't address my question. If I "feel like a skiier", I have a concrete image of what a skiier is. I can describe it to you. People who feel like a woman have to have an idea of what a woman is otherwise the concept makes zero sense!