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I'm going to assume this is a good faith attempt at discussion, and respond with an honest question: What would using your own gender framework around a transgender person look like in practice?

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Mostly be allowed to talk about it? Not that I have to interject it everywhere but when it's relevant/when it comes up. Like, for example my framework means that I feel dishonest when I use someone's preferred pronouns. I'm still willing to *do* it, it just results in that feelin

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It's relevant when I have to use those preferred pronouns and feel funny about it. Ofc I don't actually say anything irl because I don't want them to feel bad. Just, ideally, I wish I wouldn't have to actively avoid letting them know how I feel.

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Sure. If someone believes they have red hair when they have blonde hair, and they're very upset if you say they have blonde hair, then I'm happy to not bring it up or mention it. But my perception of them as having blonde hair is mine, and describing them as redhead feels weird.

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Like it's being untruthful to my experience of them in order to make them feel better. And like, I'm ok with that! I'm okay with lying to them about how I experience them if they actively want me to pretend. I'm not gonna judge them for it mattering a lot.

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Right, and I think this is getting closer to the heart of how my gender framework differs. For me, gender is much closer to a discrete category than anything else; I process the definition of gender as internally decided as inconsistent and nonsensical, like what does it mean?

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when e.g. an afab nonbinary person tells me they're not a woman, im like... what does that even mean? You look like a woman, obviously. You act like one, people treat you like one. What does it mean to not 'feel like' one? How could you 'feel like' anything?

12:41 AM · Apr 8, 2020

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Or when someone 'feels like' a woman - what does that mean? Does it mean you want to wear women's clothes? Or have people want to try to have sex with you? Or that you want to have a vagina? All of those are ok - but I want to know exactly which one it is.

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