Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends! Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it. But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try. And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)
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Zephyr Logan Sylvester
@nocturnalzephyr
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
As a non-binary person I don't want strangers knowing what genitals I have/had. To me it is unnecessary and invasive. Why do you need to know my birth sex? Are you going to treat me differently based on what genitals I have?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@nocturnalzephyr
Not really, but it's super informative. Like, as a woman, I know that men really want to have sex with me. This is big enough an issue that lots of women write about this happening, about getting catcalled, and women's rights. This is all because of genitals.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@nocturnalzephyr
If I can tell you've got a vagina probably, then I know other people can tell too, and most likely you've been subjected to the same kind of attention from men from an early age that me and other women have been too. I immediately 'identify' with you more because of that.
Zephyr Logan Sylvester
@nocturnalzephyr
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Everyone with a vagina doesn't have the same universal experiences. Sure, a lot of them experience sexism, but you can't assume "this person has gone thru ____ because of their genitals". It's an incredibly personal experience that varies from person to person.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@nocturnalzephyr
You're technically correct, but... like... I think the exceptions are rare enough that they don't really factor in? People trying to have sex with you when they know you have a vag takes different forms but is nearly universal.
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