The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends!
Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)
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So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it.
But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)
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To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)
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I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try.
And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)
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In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)
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"in my ideal world, I invalidate other people's identity by rejecting it to their face despite paying lip service to it"
Weird ideals there.
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No, I'm being honest about myself and the way I view the world, and I try to make accommodations so that I don't hurt others who really want me to view them a certain way.
My sense of identity doesn't match up with the way others see me, often, but I'm okay with that.
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The way you view the world inherently invalidates their identity. There's a big difference between someone perceiving incorrectly as opposed to being directly told something from the source and rejecting it.
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I don't know how to update certain categories. If someone is constantly going to parties and around people 24/7 but tells me they're introverted, I can't just... *stop* viewing them as extroverted. I can view them as having a self-identity as introverted!
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How is it so much easier for you to say "I think all people exist in categories based on rules that are outside of their control and that it's my right to determine what those categories are" than "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you all, I'll think on this"?
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Because the thing that's happening right now is bullying; people are trying to *force* me to submit to their perspective. They're not reasoning with me, they're insulting me. I'm not going to enable their bullying, I'm gonna consistently look for reasonable arguments instead.
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