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ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)

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The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends! Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)

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So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it. But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)

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To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)

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I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try. And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)

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In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)

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this is horribly, terribly worded but I kind of get it... for those who are not well-versed in the concept of non-binary identity, it takes some conscious unlearning to refer to someone who presents as traditionally binary in gender-neutral terms

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but the last part is insane. the important part is trying - you don’t need to fully intellectualize something to respect it and not be a dick about it

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To be clear, I never actually do this irl.

5:37 PM · Apr 7, 2020

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that’s entirely clear, but what’s not clear is why you’d **want** to. Begs the question, at what point does radical honesty become completely self-serving; a morally-justified means of imposing one’s worldview on their surroundings when peaceful co-existence only requires silence

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Do you not have a desire to be totally open about yourself and the way you receive the world? I agree outright doing that without regard for others is dickish, but do you not even have that desire?

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