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Conversation

ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)

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The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends! Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)

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So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it. But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)

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To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)

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I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try. And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)

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In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)

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this implies that you can always tell what birth sex people are. might be better to rephrase as "I'm too uncomfortable with a non-binary model of gender, so I'll insist on forcing you into whatever binary model I believe you conform most closely too"

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If I can't tell, then I process them as 'neither gender', which I assume is closest to nonbinary. If they're a passing trans person, then I process them as closest to their preferred gender, and this doesn't change when I find out their sex.

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What if you know someone as a binary man who transitions into a binary woman and passes as such. Do you change this assumption then?

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If they pass as a binary woman then I process them as a binary woman and my brain wants to use she/her pronouns.

6:40 AM · Apr 7, 2020

Read Another Book

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Okay so you WILL LITERALLY acknowledge their sex/gender correctly abiding to their personal identifiers, but only if they pass? Don't you see how arrogant, gatekeepy, and incoherent this ideology is? Be better.

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Earlier in the thread you said that presentation isn’t the deciding factor in a person’s gender, but all your follow ups seem to indicate that your “process” relies on your perception of them, which is almost entirely based on presentation... Transphobia makes no sense. 🤦‍♀️

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