ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)
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The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends! Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)
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So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it. But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)
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To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)
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I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try. And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)
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In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)
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Replying to @Aella_Girl
Why would you need to tell someone this? What would possess you? What benefit do you derive? Why is it necessary for them to know your framework, in order for you to use it? There's no reason to invalidate someone to their face, except to invalidate them to their face. Garbage.
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Replying to @AlexandraErin
I don't actually do it. The reason to do it is honesty. With friends I'm close with, we're incredibly honest - about the way we feel around each other, the way we perceive each other, everything. I really value that, it feels intimate.
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Everything matters enough to be honest about, literally everything. In my ideal world nobody would feel any shame about the things they think or feel, and they would feel deep empathy for the pains and struggles of others no matter their identity or ideology.
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Replying to @Aella_Girl
Fatuous nonsense. The number of things that are true and that you could tell someone outweighs the amount of time you would have to tell them by a factor of thousands. You're making decisions about what is worth telling people, even in your ideal world, thus revealing priorities.
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