If I can't tell, then I process them as 'neither gender', which I assume is closest to nonbinary. If they're a passing trans person, then I process them as closest to their preferred gender, and this doesn't change when I find out their sex.
Other people calling me a woman makes me a woman. I don't really feel like I'm anything; the way I look shapes how people treat me, and this relationship between appearance and treatment seems to be what my gender is.
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I'm not telling them what they are, I'm telling them the gender *I process them as*.
End of conversation
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