"in my ideal world, I invalidate other people's identity by rejecting it to their face despite paying lip service to it" Weird ideals there.
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This strategy has kept me gentle and has still allowed for updating. I've changed my mind on stuff like privilege and oppression, on trigger warnings (twice, back and forth), and towards more acceptance of progressive gender theory.
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But I *will not* update based on people telling me I need to do this in order to make them more comfortable. I do not judge at all the fact that I don't see people as their chosen gender. I also do not judge that people want to be seen as their chosen gender.
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That makes sense to me, and I certainly wouldn't advocate for the extreme opposite, taking everything other people tell us at face value without evaluation. Ultimately I think the important thing is, as much as possible, to let others be the authority on who they are.
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I had to spend a lot of time in a nebulous place as I listened to many people to slowly update my understanding of gender. It took some vulnerability to let go of things I had assumed before. A key to that process was accepting people's personal accounts as sincere and true.
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