ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)
I don't know how to update certain categories. If someone is constantly going to parties and around people 24/7 but tells me they're introverted, I can't just... *stop* viewing them as extroverted. I can view them as having a self-identity as introverted!
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But my brain is like 'Oh, they pattern-match onto 'takes actions to be around other people a lot'", and I can't *un*match that pattern just because they tell me they're different. I don't have control over that level of processing the world.
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I understand it taking a while to make the adjustment - when I learn things about people I've known for a while that correct an assumption I had, I don't necessarily collate it right away. But I also don't reject it, which is what it sounds like you want to do.
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okay so if a girl tells you shes bi but the entire time youve known her shes been dating 1 guy youd be like "youre allowed to think of yourself however you like but ur straight"
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if she were my friend and we felt safe with each other, id' be like "hey you're saying you're bi but i notice you have only ever expressed attraction to men the whole time i've known you, so honestly i sort of just register you as straight"
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How is it so much easier for you to say "I think all people exist in categories based on rules that are outside of their control and that it's my right to determine what those categories are" than "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you all, I'll think on this"?
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Because the thing that's happening right now is bullying; people are trying to *force* me to submit to their perspective. They're not reasoning with me, they're insulting me. I'm not going to enable their bullying, I'm gonna consistently look for reasonable arguments instead.
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