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I have a few minor yet strong mental quirks, and I'm curious if there's a term for these patterns or if anyone else has something similar. THREAD:
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Example 1 - I love taking walks in the rain. I have been sitting gazing longly out my rainy window. I cannot make myself go outside without a goal. The goal has to be independent of the walk (e.g., no "go to this random corner"). It can be tiny, like "deposit money in ATM".
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I tried getting totally ready to go outside, hoping that I could actually take a walk if maybe I didn't have to overcome any barriers like getting dressed, but it didn't work - I'm currently sitting in warm clothes, still not walking around in the beautiful rain.
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Example 2 - conversations at parties. I'm better at this if I'm a bit drunk, but typically I want a goal of conversation explicitly defined at parties. I'll often respond to opening small talk with "why are we talking" or "what are you doing here" or "what do you want?"
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Example 3 - meetings. Any time I have a meeting with a project, I literally cannot function unless the goal is defined. If the goal is brainstorming, I can do that - but if it isn't defined, then I cannot brainstorm, 100% of my mental effort is going into figuring out the goal.
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These needs in me don't affect my life too much, but they are *extremely strong*; as in I just stop being able to process what's happening and get extremely confused if I don't understand what's going on or why I'm doing a thing. I literally cannot make myself go take a walk rn.
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not even close. I try to imagine "taking a walk" and I imagine getting to a corner and then being like "WHICH WAY DO I GO. I HAVE NO ULTIMATE GOAL BY WHICH TO MAKE THIS DECISION" and it's very overwhelming
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I've usually had to walk/bike a lot just to get basic things like internet. So I don't usually need an excuse to go out. But when I don't have to, I either use getting food, or taking photos as an excuse. Playing Pokemon Go was a big motivator. I'm INTP, but the I is strong.
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How does "narrative driven" feel? Aesthetic is fun, but if you have reasonably high sensational equanimity, then walking out in rain is equivalent to sitting inside, and you need to reach outside the aesthetic to break symmetry.