Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
ok I think the thing about genderpeople that *actually* bothers me is that I feel not allowed to use my own gender framework around them. I honestly don't give a shit how they present, how deviant from gender norms they are, whether they wear makeup or a boy cut. (1/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
The last few guys I dated would regularly wear women's clothing and I didn't mind at all. I've applied makeup to many of my male friends! Despite how I look, I'm also pretty deviant, and deeply sympathize with the difficulty of failing to perform the 'correct' gender norms. (2/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
So to reiterate - any expression you want to have with your own body, clothing, mannerism, vocabulary - I welcome it. But I want to retain ownership over the way gender resonates with me. To me, all that stuff above has very little to do with gender. (3/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
To me, expression is independent of gender, and your gender is completely outside of your control; it resides in the eyes of society. Gender *is* an assignment of society. And so when people expect me to view them as a gender I don't view them as, that just does not work.(4/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I can't view them as the gender they want no matter how hard I try. And to be clear, I still use preferred pronouns and try to do all the least upsetting things for genderpeople. I just am bothered by how afraid I feel to express the way I experience gender. (5/6)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
In my ideal world, they would say "Hey, my pronouns are they/them", and then I'd say "Nice to meet you! I process your gender as your birth sex and don't view you as nonbinary personally, but I'm happy to use your pronouns if that makes you more comfortable." (6/6)
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Kevin
@SpicyHeck
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Your fear may be a reasonable reaction to the (historically catastrophic) attempt to police language. Words are the surface topology of ideas, and people who try to dictate your ideas based on their beliefs or claimed beliefs are dangerous—whether now or eventually.
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Purple Tinker
@prpltnkr
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Look, not gonna mince words: You’re being hella inconsiderate, and “genderpeople” reads like the kind of insult Rush Limbaugh would coin. But I’ll at least TRY to explain to you: APPEARANCE IS NOT GENDER. Appearance is appearance. Gender is mental, and you are not a mind reader.
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Broccoli Rob
@UdontNoahme
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Actually it doesn’t sound like you’re trying at all. It’s not about how you experience gender. You can experience your own gender however you want, but if you get repercussions for refusing to honor others’ gender experience then you deserve them
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i might have an issue
@UninspiredEnby
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Ok, for starters, the least upsetting thing would be to fix your fucked up worldview and realize that not everyone's experiences with gender and sexuality will fit perfectly into your preconceived view of gender or sexuality and also stop calling them genderpeople wtf
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