Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
This is kinda complicated? I agree there's pressure to signal genderfluid style acceptance virtues, but I personally experienced an actual shift here - I went from viewing it as an expression of weakness to an expression of confidence, at least in some circumstances.
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Dr. Debra Soh
@DrDebraSoh
There's nothing wrong with being attracted to masculine men. theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2 (HT @AdamCatalyst)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
As in, it's a heavy countersignal. A man who dresses up as a woman but maintains general masculinity (confidence, wanting sex with women), and does not display insecurity about potentially embarrassing clothes, is giving a very valuable signal of social comfort, which is hot.
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Tess
@xsphi
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
A slight change of topic, but do you see gay and ace men as necessarily unmasculine? Is "wanting to have sex with women" really relevant? If so, are bi men also less masculine than otherwise identical straight men?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@xsphi
I personally process gay and ace men as less masculine, but I think this is due to correlations with the sexuality than the sexuality itself (e.g., gotta be more aggressive to have sex with women than with men).
Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@DrDebraSoh
Probably this also varies a lot by subculture? In a few cultures I've spent time in, there was a lot of normalized crossdressing that was definitely in no way a paraphilia. I'm sure there exist other cultures in which most crossdressing is driven primarily by paraphilia.
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Michael A. Lowry
@mlowry
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Large, powerful, masculine men can get away with behaving in a less masculine way, and still be consider3: attractive by many women. Small, weak, effeminate men must compensate via hypermasculine behaviors.
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imuli
@trystimuli
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Personally, I'm mostly interested in finding people who aren't afraid to believe and say what they actually think and want - which is a very differen thing from social comfort. Non-conforming appearance is possibly the only possible in-person signal for that, weak though it is.