But also I have the sense that I still don't know exactly what your question is; I'm sort of talking trying to figure out my thoughts on it here, but I don't know exactly what the crux is.
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Physical appearance? The things people expect from them based on their physical appearance? Their ability to breed? I'm a little confused - I don't think people popularly consider gender to be equal to personality.
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To clarify - in queer spaces they say gender is personality? So if you like soft things and people you're female, and if you like punching things and being a CEO then you're male? I'm a bit oversimplifying but I'm trying to clarify, is this how they view gender?
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Okay re: queerspace and personality thing I think I get what you're saying; if you're a masculine woman you're 'nonbinary', because the masculine personality traits take you out of the woman story.
Okay I wanna see if we can reframe this with the story lens here
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So genderqueer people see the wimpy king and say, "The wimpy king does not belong in the king story because he is wimpy; he belongs in the wimpy story"
This seems to view the personality, or supplemental traits to the story, as defining of the story; the kingness comes from-
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not the role people bestow on him, not the fact he commands people or might get assassinated, but on being confident or vain or aggressive; they see a king who's not confident or vain as aggressive as failing to perform the story entirely