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1/When I was eight, I was molested. The experience wasn't scary or painful, just confusing and uncomfortable, because I didn't understand what was going on. After becoming an adult, I experienced a strong incentive to reinterpret what had happened to me as-

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2/traumatic. Sexual assault on children was considered to be one of the worst things that could happen, and if it happened to me, then it should have seriously fucked me up, right? I started to interpret problems in my life as having been caused by those childhood events.

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3/But after some time, I stopped doing that, because I realized I was trying to force a narrative. In reality, the experience I had as a child had very little, possibly no long-term adverse effects on me. The actual adverse effects came from other things - a sense of

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4/betrayal of adults who were supposed to had been more protective of me, and a serious awkwardness around the molester in later years. I feel a bit of fear saying all this, because THE IMPLICATIONS. Did I want it? Am I saying it wasn't serious? Am I minimizing? Am I delusional?

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5/No, yes, no, and no. I'm being honest about my experience. I also don't mean other people need to interpret their experiences the same way - but I DO recognize that culture seriously pressured me, with partial success, into experiencing suffering I wouldn't have had otherwise.

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Replying to

But then it's not really trauma? It's entering into a culture that views what happened to you as bad, and you adopt that frame. Imagine how much other trauma you might secretly have lurking if you joined a new culture that was horrified by different things!

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Replying to

Adults used me selfishly and uncaringly all the time. they used me to represent their own pride (like having me memorize theological concepts and standing up to recite them in church). Nobody has told me I should be upset about that thing.

8:56 PM · Feb 10, 2020