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1/When I was eight, I was molested. The experience wasn't scary or painful, just confusing and uncomfortable, because I didn't understand what was going on. After becoming an adult, I experienced a strong incentive to reinterpret what had happened to me as-

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2/traumatic. Sexual assault on children was considered to be one of the worst things that could happen, and if it happened to me, then it should have seriously fucked me up, right? I started to interpret problems in my life as having been caused by those childhood events.

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3/But after some time, I stopped doing that, because I realized I was trying to force a narrative. In reality, the experience I had as a child had very little, possibly no long-term adverse effects on me. The actual adverse effects came from other things - a sense of

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4/betrayal of adults who were supposed to had been more protective of me, and a serious awkwardness around the molester in later years. I feel a bit of fear saying all this, because THE IMPLICATIONS. Did I want it? Am I saying it wasn't serious? Am I minimizing? Am I delusional?

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5/No, yes, no, and no. I'm being honest about my experience. I also don't mean other people need to interpret their experiences the same way - but I DO recognize that culture seriously pressured me, with partial success, into experiencing suffering I wouldn't have had otherwise.

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Replying to

and

I'm wondering if the correlation between sexual abuse & pornography is that those women feel their sexuality was already tampered with so they might as well profit from it. The downside of doing porn is the stigma, and victims of abuse might already feel like damaged goods?

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I knew someone was gonna make this connection, but I really don't think this connection is meaningful. I can point to many other far more compelling reasons for why I ended up getting into sex work; I absolutely did not feel like damaged goods or like my sexuality was an issue.

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Replying to

and

The reasons why I did sex work were more due to my strange preexisting relationship to culture; raised in a world where we were constantly conditioned to view ourselves as outsiders and rejects made me very comfortable with doing things on the outskirts of society. This plus-

6:19 AM · Feb 10, 2020

Replying to

and

my personality tends to be naturally quite analytical/autistic, to the extent that i consistently disrupt social norms without really knowing I'm doing it, meant that sex work was just a rational, low-effort way to earn a lot of money and I was pretty insensitive to the stigma.

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