Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
1/When I was eight, I was molested. The experience wasn't scary or painful, just confusing and uncomfortable, because I didn't understand what was going on. After becoming an adult, I experienced a strong incentive to reinterpret what had happened to me as-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
2/traumatic. Sexual assault on children was considered to be one of the worst things that could happen, and if it happened to me, then it should have seriously fucked me up, right? I started to interpret problems in my life as having been caused by those childhood events.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3/But after some time, I stopped doing that, because I realized I was trying to force a narrative. In reality, the experience I had as a child had very little, possibly no long-term adverse effects on me. The actual adverse effects came from other things - a sense of
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4/betrayal of adults who were supposed to had been more protective of me, and a serious awkwardness around the molester in later years. I feel a bit of fear saying all this, because THE IMPLICATIONS. Did I want it? Am I saying it wasn't serious? Am I minimizing? Am I delusional?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
5/No, yes, no, and no. I'm being honest about my experience. I also don't mean other people need to interpret their experiences the same way - but I DO recognize that culture seriously pressured me, with partial success, into experiencing suffering I wouldn't have had otherwise.
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Dr. Poop Muscles, PhD
@Space_Boy_Ben
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
People sure do enjoy believing all trauma is processed similarly. When my dad died, I didn't cry at the funeral (I'd cried plenty leading up to it and felt I had to be strong for my mom) but this was interpreted by several (not close) family members that I didn't love my dad.
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Dr. Poop Muscles, PhD
@Space_Boy_Ben
Replying to
@Space_Boy_Ben
and
@Aella_Girl
I also dealt with many peers who couldn't believe I'd come back to school "so soon" (as if I really had a choice) and that if their parent had died, they wouldn't be able to do anything ever again. In any case I'm sorry people made you feel bad for not feeling bad enough about it
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