Because it typically happens in conversations with people, often ones that *they* began. I've experienced this almost universally where I bring up a question or point and then they tap out saying "It's not my job to educate you." But we were already talking!
Conversation
Replying to
No offense, but if your IRL questions at all resemble your Twitter ones, I can’t say I necessarily blame them for walking away. Also Keep in mind that it’s extremely exhausting to have to explain 101 concepts to people over and over again.
2
1
Replying to
Usually the questions I ask them in person are contextual and relevant to the conversation we've been having, not out of the blue WOULD YOU RATHER FUCK A COW.
And I get not wanting to explain a basic concept, but I don't see this 'educate yourself' as used for that
2
3
Replying to
Out of curiosity, what questions have marginalized people opted out of answering for you?
1
Replying to
One concrete example is nonbinary stuff. I did a bunch of googling about nonbinary identities and had a ton of questions that google didn't answer well, so I found a nonbinary discussion group and asked them my questions. They got FURIOUS at me.
2
2
It was stuff like "Does your sense of gender identity have a location in your body" or "how would you personally define what 'gender' is to you"
2
1
They told me I had no business expecting them to do "emotional labor" (I didn't demand anybody do anything, I just posted the questions that I assumed people wouldn't answer if they didn't want to!) and that I should go "educate myself" instead of "demanding their time"
1
1
Replying to
So you came into a space for non-binary people expecting them to explain their experience to you? I can totally see why people who are constantly invalidated wouldn’t want to explain complicated, vulnerable stuff to an outsider whose motivations are unknown.
1
Replying to
Not expecting, just asking! There was lots of discussion already about nonbinary stuff. I just asked questions. But people didn't say "Hey, this group actually isn't for this and we prefer not to answer", they insulted me repeatedly.
2
3
I've asked questions in a LOT of groups, all the time - I post surveys, start discussion topics, bring up curiosities of mine, in small, weird groups all over. The nonbinary group was the most hostile, angry, insulting reaction I've ever gotten.
1
2
And for comparison I'm in a group of mostly old conservative racist white men, a group for old car repair, one for extreme astrology devotees, and group of homemakers talking about how to most efficiently beat their kids.