what I understand as gender. I think there's some other huge cultural understanding of gender going on that isn't translating into my world. The way I parse gender, how well you are described by typical gender traits have very little to do with the gender you are.
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e.g., if you're an extremely masculine woman (like me!), this doesn't make you less of a woman. In the nonbinary gender framework, it seems like this *does* actually make you less of a woman. This is totally foreign to me.
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My conception of gender has a lot to do with common knowledge appearance - how do you read in the world, and how does the world treat you based on how you read? This mostly equals your 'gender'. In this perspective, your gender doesn't belong to you, but to your society.
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oh this is really interesting- you consider gender an external thing?
i wanna like, sit down and write down all the different things gender could be now lmao
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here is a quick model, languaging might be slightly off
gender is a matrix with a LOT of factors involved, incl:
assigned sex, societal/familial gender roles, presentation, sexuality, the level at which these things are important to an individual, & more
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if enough of these are outside of what you perceive as the norm, and if that matters to you, you probably id as trans or nonbinary
but you can't take any individual point as an indicator of identification, because the identification is a choice
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I'm thinking of identity as choice of label in this instance
two people could have the same exact gendered traits, except that one decides those traits make her a butch woman and the other decides it makes them a nonbinary person, because there's such overlap & it is That wiggly
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This seems like a flaw. The traits are those traits; it feels bad to think about saying those traits are two different things and then being okay with that
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hmmm
I *don't* think the traits are different, I think the individual's perception of the traits are different. like a cultural difference, kinda??
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Okay. But then ideally I could go to a nonbinary person and be like 'Oh yeah in my language you're a butch woman" and they'd go "yeah def i just call it nonbinary" and if this were the case it would feel way more understandable but this is not what happens
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i think this is entirely attributable to the fact that people feel VERY strongly about how they identify, and tend to be defensive about it
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