I think the thing other people are parsing as 'gender' isn't 'gender' to me. I talked with a nonbinary friend recently who described their nonbinaryness as sort of... not wanting to be misunderstood as having female traits. This is valid! This also is completely different from-
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I'm thinking of identity as choice of label in this instance two people could have the same exact gendered traits, except that one decides those traits make her a butch woman and the other decides it makes them a nonbinary person, because there's such overlap & it is That wiggly
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nonbinariness is a matter of degree, i think something in my bundle of gendered experiences & traits is significantly dissimilar to the average, but if the bundle mostly looks like womanhood anyway, i'm probably not gonna disidentify- unless that piece is REALLY important to me
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