I think the thing other people are parsing as 'gender' isn't 'gender' to me. I talked with a nonbinary friend recently who described their nonbinaryness as sort of... not wanting to be misunderstood as having female traits. This is valid! This also is completely different from-
I don't like viewing this as a prejudice thing; I don't think these people are doing anything wrong. I think they're using a different framework from you or me to understand gender, and this is just extremely confusing when we try to communicate with each other.
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When I ask where this framework is coming from, I never (except once) get an a-priori model - it's ex negativo, referencing "society" and trying to go against it. Much more complicated, self-contradictory, even painful, than the simple confident statement: everybody is a mix.
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Which also is in harmony with science (biology and neuroscience): coming from two chomosomes, but working with overlapping continua of hormones during development as well as daily life, there is an always shifting mixture of traits in everybody.
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