I think the thing other people are parsing as 'gender' isn't 'gender' to me. I talked with a nonbinary friend recently who described their nonbinaryness as sort of... not wanting to be misunderstood as having female traits. This is valid! This also is completely different from-
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I'm not saying I'm rejecting that framework - I'm interested in using it - just the word 'gender' is really confusing things for me. I think when I overlay the word nonbinary onto the base gender, like "nonbinary woman", THEN it makes total sense to me.
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Then that communicates to me - this is someone who is treated by society as the female role, because they have a vagina and look female. They also feel there's aspects of femininity that don't apply to them, and want to be clear to others that they're not a typical woman.
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