Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I think the thing other people are parsing as 'gender' isn't 'gender' to me. I talked with a nonbinary friend recently who described their nonbinaryness as sort of... not wanting to be misunderstood as having female traits. This is valid! This also is completely different from-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
what I understand as gender. I think there's some other huge cultural understanding of gender going on that isn't translating into my world. The way I parse gender, how well you are described by typical gender traits have very little to do with the gender you are.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
My conception of gender has a lot to do with common knowledge appearance - how do you read in the world, and how does the world treat you based on how you read? This mostly equals your 'gender'. In this perspective, your gender doesn't belong to you, but to your society.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
It's a very 'old' thing - ingrained, and fundamental to how society is constructed (though I don't think it's necessarily good). This other conception of gender, where it's something you identify as, is completely incompatible with the way I understand it.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I'm not saying I'm rejecting that framework - I'm interested in using it - just the word 'gender' is really confusing things for me. I think when I overlay the word nonbinary onto the base gender, like "nonbinary woman", THEN it makes total sense to me.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Then that communicates to me - this is someone who is treated by society as the female role, because they have a vagina and look female. They also feel there's aspects of femininity that don't apply to them, and want to be clear to others that they're not a typical woman.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@nuanceexists
Sure! By most definitions I'm personally agender; I have no sense of gender identity at all. I do think there is a framework, tho I admit it might be loose/multifaceted. But nonbinary people mostly use the same conceptual structure to describe their ideas around gender.
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foo
@Quuux
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Matches with my perception of this "nonbinary" business. They not accepting that everybody has all sorts of traits in varying levels in them. The struggle with their own prejudices is projected onto others.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Quuux
I don't like viewing this as a prejudice thing; I don't think these people are doing anything wrong. I think they're using a different framework from you or me to understand gender, and this is just extremely confusing when we try to communicate with each other.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@EmmaGorowski
Tend towards systemic over social thinking; score low conscientiousness, very high openness, mid-range disagreeableness on the big 5. On autism spectrum. People tell me I'm masculine.
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