I think the thing other people are parsing as 'gender' isn't 'gender' to me. I talked with a nonbinary friend recently who described their nonbinaryness as sort of... not wanting to be misunderstood as having female traits. This is valid! This also is completely different from-
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what I understand as gender. I think there's some other huge cultural understanding of gender going on that isn't translating into my world. The way I parse gender, how well you are described by typical gender traits have very little to do with the gender you are.
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e.g., if you're an extremely masculine woman (like me!), this doesn't make you less of a woman. In the nonbinary gender framework, it seems like this *does* actually make you less of a woman. This is totally foreign to me.
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My conception of gender has a lot to do with common knowledge appearance - how do you read in the world, and how does the world treat you based on how you read? This mostly equals your 'gender'. In this perspective, your gender doesn't belong to you, but to your society.
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It's a very 'old' thing - ingrained, and fundamental to how society is constructed (though I don't think it's necessarily good). This other conception of gender, where it's something you identify as, is completely incompatible with the way I understand it.
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I'm not saying I'm rejecting that framework - I'm interested in using it - just the word 'gender' is really confusing things for me. I think when I overlay the word nonbinary onto the base gender, like "nonbinary woman", THEN it makes total sense to me.
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Then that communicates to me - this is someone who is treated by society as the female role, because they have a vagina and look female. They also feel there's aspects of femininity that don't apply to them, and want to be clear to others that they're not a typical woman.
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I'm sick of having people tell me I need to sit down, shut up, and be taught. I wanna have a discussion where I bring up my confusions, my criticisms are actually handled. Sometimes this has happened and it's wonderful! But I generally HATE the genderqueer attitude towards this.
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Society as a whole has begun reinterpreting effeminate males and masculine females as non-binary. This intersects often with trans identity rhetoric, leading to some becoming convinced by peers that they need to transition. It could also be seen as a form of “erasure” toward...
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I find it a bit strange some people are obsessed with theirs and others gender. Like non binary means you don't dit in either gender by bringing absolute attention to it. They care about what others think about them but pretend they don't. It probably not all of them of coarse.
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