Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
1/Let's say we have a culture where it's considered extremely bad to masturbate. You masturbate, of course. Now you're put into a position where, if you engage honestly with the rest of the community, you will be harshly punished. You can't be honest if someone asks what you
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
2/did, otherwise they might shun you or yell at you. "Maybe you should have thought of that before you masturbated", they say if you try to explain this. So you try not to masturbate, so you can be honest. But it's extremely hard, and eventually you fuck up and masturbate.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
3/This is tragic. This puts you into a horrible position with your community, where your basic needs that harm nobody are at odds with other things you value, like honesty and communication and being accepted. You can find this more commonly in strict communities, but not only.-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
4/How do we tell if something is a "difficult cultural standard" by this definition? To qualify, it must: 1. Not hurt anybody 2. Be difficult to avoid doing/relating to base needs So: Do you have any examples of actions that are violations of social morality, but don't hurt-
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
5/anybody (beyond the strictly constructed/cultural impact, e.g., "you hurt me so much by breaking my trust to go masturbate like that"), and are difficult to avoid doing (such that a significant percentage of the population does this despite harsh social stigma)?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@echauvec
Cheating comes out of the monogamy contract, which is ubiquitous and default, and people don't have much actual opt-out available to them
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@echauvec
I did sex work, and a lot of my clients should never have been monogamous but ended up building their entire life around their wife and kids, and they were too old/not in right circles to even have heard of nonmonogamy.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@echauvec
Like, they were cheating on their wives with me to start with. A common story was, older man, his wife lost sex drive/medical issues, he still has needs, he's terrified of bringing it up to her, so he sees a girl on the side twice a year to keep things safe and compartmentalized.
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