I tweeted recently about how sometimes it's okay to hurt others, how sometimes it's necessary to preserve ourselves and our boundaries, and that simply accusing someone of "hurting people" doesn't necessarily mean they're doing anything wrong. But this argument seems vulnerable-
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Another way to tell is to follow the ownership of expression. If someone fully owns what they're expressing - it's their experience, they're not making you responsible for it, it's the genuine raw experience of *them* in the world - then they're less likely to be doing abuse.
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What if you refuse to believe/acknowledge you’ve hurt someone with x action? Sort of in-between “not being allowed to” and “unable to empathize”
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