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Aella_Girl's profile
Aella
Aella
Aella
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@Aella_Girl

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AellaVerified account

@Aella_Girl

into social dynamics, techniques for thinking more gooder, uncomfortable questions, and taking slightly too much acid. Co-founder http://askhole.io 

Berkeley, CA
knowingless.com
Joined September 2012

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    Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
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    There's an idea floating around that you "shouldn't hurt people". In general, this is a good idea. Sometimes there's obvious exceptions, like in self defense. Sometimes it's less obvious - your abusive romantic partner might be terribly hurt if you break up with them. Sometimes-

    8:45 PM - 16 Dec 2019
    • 13 Retweets
    • 112 Likes
    • Pierre-Simon Laplace JoanPeluza J Карина Akash Clayto's Corner Martin Pozor Jonathan Tien FRRC
    9 replies 13 retweets 112 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
        • Report Tweet

        Your conservative aunt might experience huge pain when she finds out you're not going to church. Maybe you want to lose weight but your best friend has an eating disorder and is really triggered by your new habits.

        1 reply 3 retweets 34 likes
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      3. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
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        Sometimes, we should hurt people - or, at least it's okay to hurt people. Sometimes, it's also okay to be hurt. Pain does not always justify controlling others, or others controlling us. Hurting someone should not be the only thing you use to evaluate your actions.

        1 reply 5 retweets 65 likes
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      4. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
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        And sometimes being too afraid of causing pain can result in dampened joy for everyone else, and insidious training wheels being reinstalled on our behavior. Any thriving community needs some level of pain tolerance!

        3 replies 4 retweets 71 likes
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      5. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
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        The way to handle pain in situations like these is to accept it exists, to hurt with the person feeling it, and then to compassionately continue with the thing that is good - break up with the boyfriend, but validate his pain. Lose weight, while hurting with your friend.

        2 replies 3 retweets 47 likes
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      6. Aella‏Verified account @Aella_Girl 16 Dec 2019
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        Being hurt by an action doesn't mean it was wrong, but the action being good does not invalidate the pain.

        8 replies 9 retweets 82 likes
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      7. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Visa  ✈️ NYC!  🗽 (Apr23-May12)‏ @visakanv 16 Dec 2019
        • Report Tweet
        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        In lots of Asian cultures this sort of idea perpetuates conspiracies of silence within families and communities. And this doesn’t minimise suffering either - abusers get off on abusing people who are can’t fight back

        1 reply 3 retweets 19 likes
      3. 3 more replies
      1. New conversation
      2. Jeremias‏ @neptox 16 Dec 2019
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        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        Interesting thread! How about hurting isn't equal to harming, e.g. honestly criticizing a friend can hurt a lot but isn't necessarily harmful?

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Alpha Minus‏ @AlphaMinus2 17 Dec 2019
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        Replying to @Aella_Girl

        Let me guess, in your interactions you're usually the side that hurts people and not vice versa.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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