There's an idea floating around that you "shouldn't hurt people". In general, this is a good idea. Sometimes there's obvious exceptions, like in self defense. Sometimes it's less obvious - your abusive romantic partner might be terribly hurt if you break up with them. Sometimes-
Conversation
Replying to
Your conservative aunt might experience huge pain when she finds out you're not going to church. Maybe you want to lose weight but your best friend has an eating disorder and is really triggered by your new habits.
1
3
32
Sometimes, we should hurt people - or, at least it's okay to hurt people. Sometimes, it's also okay to be hurt. Pain does not always justify controlling others, or others controlling us. Hurting someone should not be the only thing you use to evaluate your actions.
1
5
62
And sometimes being too afraid of causing pain can result in dampened joy for everyone else, and insidious training wheels being reinstalled on our behavior.
Any thriving community needs some level of pain tolerance!
2
5
65
The way to handle pain in situations like these is to accept it exists, to hurt with the person feeling it, and then to compassionately continue with the thing that is good - break up with the boyfriend, but validate his pain. Lose weight, while hurting with your friend.
2
3
43
Being hurt by an action doesn't mean it was wrong, but the action being good does not invalidate the pain.
5
8
71
Replying to
When it costs you nothing, don't hurt people.
When it costs you a little bit, don't hurt people.
Sometimes when it costs you a lot, don't hurt people.
But also sometimes when it costs you a lot, hurt people.
1
5
Replying to
Interesting thread! How about hurting isn't equal to harming, e.g. honestly criticizing a friend can hurt a lot but isn't necessarily harmful?
3
Replying to
In lots of Asian cultures this sort of idea perpetuates conspiracies of silence within families and communities. And this doesn’t minimise suffering either - abusers get off on abusing people who are can’t fight back
1
3
17
