Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
Carl and Bob agree that neither of them will spend time alone with another friend. Five years into their friendship, Bob secretly meets up for beers and shooting pool with Alice. Carl asks him where he was -Bob lies. Carl finds out and, furious, ends the friendship. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
So like - Bob did make an agreement, break it, and lie. But this seems of secondary importance to the fact that they literally made each other promise something that is really hard to do in the long run, out of what's probably severe insecurity, and not actually healthy. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
When I see monogamous people cheat in media (or real life?), this is sort of the reaction I have. Yeah - they did break an agreement and lie. But seriously how is nobody talking about the insane agreement they felt pressured to enter in the first place?? No shit they cheated!
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A Leaf on the Wind
@ALeaftOnTheWind
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Promising to do an exceptionally difficult thing doesnt absolve you of the responsibility of following through. Let alone lying about your failure to do so. Also that which poly people find difficult, mono people may not. People vary.
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A Leaf on the Wind
@ALeaftOnTheWind
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Personal anecdote: I was in such a marriage. My wife cheated on me. The issue was less monogamy (I'd come out to her as poly years prior). Wed talked about opening up. But before we could have that crucial discussion she decided to fuck 5 other dudes last Spring and hiding it.
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Thomas Basbøll
@Inframethod
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@ALeaftOnTheWind
I've long thought Dan Savage's take on the difficulty was good. It's not just that monogamy is hard. It's that we fail at it, when we do, absolutely, not relatively. If Bob goes for one beer with Alice every five years he should be considered "good at" monogamy. Not a failure.