Carl and Bob agree that neither of them will spend time alone with another friend. Five years into their friendship, Bob secretly meets up for beers and shooting pool with Alice. Carl asks him where he was -Bob lies. Carl finds out and, furious, ends the friendship. (cont)
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Personal anecdote: I was in such a marriage. My wife cheated on me. The issue was less monogamy (I'd come out to her as poly years prior). Wed talked about opening up. But before we could have that crucial discussion she decided to fuck 5 other dudes last Spring and hiding it.
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Monogamy is hard. I know. Very often though monogamy isnt the reason for its own failure. There are a multitude of reasons most of which are human based, not concept based. In my ex's case shes childish, self destructive, manipulative & selfish. All red flags to ANY relationship.
End of conversation
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I've long thought Dan Savage's take on the difficulty was good. It's not just that monogamy is hard. It's that we fail at it, when we do, absolutely, not relatively. If Bob goes for one beer with Alice every five years he should be considered "good at" monogamy. Not a failure.
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