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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Carl and Bob agree that neither of them will spend time alone with another friend. Five years into their friendship, Bob secretly meets up for beers and shooting pool with Alice. Carl asks him where he was -Bob lies. Carl finds out and, furious, ends the friendship. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
So like - Bob did make an agreement, break it, and lie. But this seems of secondary importance to the fact that they literally made each other promise something that is really hard to do in the long run, out of what's probably severe insecurity, and not actually healthy. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
When I see monogamous people cheat in media (or real life?), this is sort of the reaction I have. Yeah - they did break an agreement and lie. But seriously how is nobody talking about the insane agreement they felt pressured to enter in the first place?? No shit they cheated!
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Alexander Wolfe
@Alexandroulykos
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
That’s why Bob is the piece of shit for not having the balls to own his truth & tell Carl his truth changed Love having risks isn’t just about being hurt, it’s about being obligated to do what is also right for the other person even if it hurts you and is right for you long-term
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Alexandroulykos
Absolutely agree! But imagine Bob and Carl are in a culture that very heavily agree with 'friends shouldn't hang out alone with other friends', and Bob doesn't feel like he has a lot of other options if he wants to be intimate with someone else.
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Alexander Wolfe
@Alexandroulykos
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
If Bob wants to be intimate with someone else in a different way than they want to be intimate with Carl, then Bob should talk to Carl about meeting their needs If Bob wants to be intimate with someone else in the same way they would be intimate with Carl... then leave Carl?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Alexandroulykos
I used to do sex work type stuff; sometimes a guy would have a wife, and I'd ask him "Why don't you let her know?" and 90% of the time he'd say he was too terrified to ask, or that he did ask and she freaked out, or said no. But their life is waaay too intertwined to leave her.
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