Carl and Bob agree that neither of them will spend time alone with another friend. Five years into their friendship, Bob secretly meets up for beers and shooting pool with Alice. Carl asks him where he was -Bob lies. Carl finds out and, furious, ends the friendship. (cont)
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If Bob wants to be intimate with someone else in a different way than they want to be intimate with Carl, then Bob should talk to Carl about meeting their needs If Bob wants to be intimate with someone else in the same way they would be intimate with Carl... then leave Carl?
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I used to do sex work type stuff; sometimes a guy would have a wife, and I'd ask him "Why don't you let her know?" and 90% of the time he'd say he was too terrified to ask, or that he did ask and she freaked out, or said no. But their life is waaay too intertwined to leave her.
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