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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Carl and Bob agree that neither of them will spend time alone with another friend. Five years into their friendship, Bob secretly meets up for beers and shooting pool with Alice. Carl asks him where he was -Bob lies. Carl finds out and, furious, ends the friendship. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
So like - Bob did make an agreement, break it, and lie. But this seems of secondary importance to the fact that they literally made each other promise something that is really hard to do in the long run, out of what's probably severe insecurity, and not actually healthy. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
When I see monogamous people cheat in media (or real life?), this is sort of the reaction I have. Yeah - they did break an agreement and lie. But seriously how is nobody talking about the insane agreement they felt pressured to enter in the first place?? No shit they cheated!
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Tharin
@Tharin_P
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I think this is probably true, but if you take it as almost inevitable that cheating will happen because of the unreasonable nature of the agreement, how do you account for all the people willfully content in their monogamy - all those that never actually do cheat?
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@Tharin_P
I think probably most of them are not content all the time. Maybe Bob and Carl are mostly content in their friendship, and the fear of the wrath/loss of friendship of the other is enough to keep them in line, but they are *still* suppressing themselves even if they never 'cheat.'
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Ian Miles Cheong
@stillgray
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Hanging out =/= boning each other. Nothing wrong with hanging out with someone else alone if you're married or partnered up and it's insane to expect people to be with each other at all times. And it's not hard to just say, hey, I won't cheat.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@stillgray
The analogy is that the agreement in both cases is made out of insecurity of what happens if your partner/friend bonds too much with someone else, that this is fundamentally unhealthy, and requires suppression of base drive for bonds with others.
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A Leaf on the Wind
@ALeaftOnTheWind
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Promising to do an exceptionally difficult thing doesnt absolve you of the responsibility of following through. Let alone lying about your failure to do so. Also that which poly people find difficult, mono people may not. People vary.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I'm not arguing that monogamy is bad because it's not natural, I'm arguing it's bad because it increases the suffering of the people inside it.
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