A lot of things I do are really bad to my parents and my old community. You could use the words "disrespecting" or "offending" them - including stuff like me roleplaying as an extremely convincing, bible-quoting christian girl while slowly stripping on a camshow. (cont)
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I genuinely don't want to cause pain to my parents/old community, but I also value self expression. You might argue the bar I'm setting is low - is it really that hard to just not roleplay as an evangelical christian? - and like... maybe? But it's sort of my choice - I ultimately
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get to balance the level of self expression I want and the pain I'm willing to cause my old community. This does *not mean I approve of the pain or that I don't care* - it just means I value *even more* the freedom to perform or display anything I want.
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This line feels deeply personal and I feel difficulty judging anybody for where they put this line - if their action *does not directly harm anyone else and does acknowledgge the pain caused by their action* - then they can limit their behavior wherever feels best for them.
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This is how I make sense of cultural appropriation. Does it cause pain to people? Yes. Is it shitty to tell offended people to 'buck it up'? Yes. Do I support people voluntarily not appropriating because of compassion? Yes. Do I support people self expressing anyway? Also yes.
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A caveat: Some things that look like 'cultural appropriation' are actually targeted hatred (like racist people using blackface), and this does not fall under the umbrella I'm discussing here, because it's done without a compassionate contact with the people they're hurting.
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As an aphantasiac, my memory of my old life and people barely registers. I think that if one's actions are ethical, and their parents disapprove, the onus is on the parents to change, or lose their child. I'm deeply suspicious of the kind of "pain" your parents claim to feel.
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