Threat evaluations THREAD!
At a huge halloween party a few nights ago, a girl was going up to people, making some small talk, and then going 'Hey can I get a photo with you?' It was a little weird. She asked me for a photo. I felt weird about it, and did a quick scan to see how-
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-this could be used to hurt me. It didn't seem damaging to me, so I ignored the discomfort and agreed.
"This is weird, scan for danger, if safe, then proceed" rule might be a mental motion I am much more likely to do than others (both my friends refused a photo with that girl).-
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It also comes into play if a guy like, puts his hand on my leg or catcalls me on the street, where I'll do "feel weird, quick scan, am safe, respond positively". All this hinges on being extremely aware of what I'd do in a worst-case-scenario. For example, hand-on-my-leg is-
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-totally fine if I'm at a party surrounded by friends who care about me. All I'd have to do is make any loud upset motion at all and I'd be instantly safe. Catcalling is wonderful if I'm on a crowded street during daylight - I'm sure there's no way I'm gonna get pulled into-
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an alley, and if I get followed I anticipate it being really easy to get help from people around me. Keeping in touch with 'What would I do if the worst thing happened right now' ends up letting me feel much safer overall.
On the other hand, I end up pretty scared when alone.
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But I wonder if this different mental motion is why I seem to "not notice" harassment as much as others - I never perceive it as threatening in the first place! It also might have drawbacks - for example if my intuition is better at assessing threat than my conscious brain.
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This seems related to the bystander effect. You're under the impression you're safe in crowds/ around people you know... that's very often not the case. The idea of well lit streets is fine until you realize they can see you too and there's nowhere for you to hide.
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Once I screamed for help in an alley late at night and people woke up and came outside to help. I also recently passed a guy harassing another guy, and there were strangers standing around them obviously waiting to step in if it escalated. I feel safe with people.
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I'm sure your safety is more secure in many situations than others. I don't mean that as a dig at all, you're a force to be seriously considered all on your own from my own experiences.
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For a lot of people, they've had countless experiences being able to count on the kindness of strangers until they couldn't when a seemingly safe situation turned into a walking nightmare; and that's what it took to sully their faith in their ability to scan accurately...
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I don't deny it exists, but in my own social circles I've heard a lot of stories of creepiness and unsafety, but absolutely none of which involved calling for help from strangers and not getting any.
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I'd like to spend time within your social circles; might make me less reclusive ;)