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Just me or is philosophy actually a complete shitshow? When I was younger I really wanted to major in philosophy because I thought it was "learning to think real good about abstract stuff", but eventually found out it was "quoting other famous people's stuff at each other"
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i get this feeling of being like... constipated and angry at the same time when around people who've gone through any formal philosophy, you can't get through a single idea without them dropping eight different philosophers on you, and im just like YES BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK
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but idk how to engage with it because i haven't read those philosophers because reading those philosophers is a kind of masochism i have not yet ascended to, and so I'm in an awkward position of "I have no idea what you're saying but I know I hate it"
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by this point if i'm at a party and i'm like 'yea but what's it like to feel the sense of thinking' and then someone says 'yeah well nietzsche said-' i just am done, immediately, like my next battle plan is to figure out how to erase philosophers from their mind
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i can't tell if they're doing some weird actually original and good mental jujitsu while using other philosopher's ideas as pawns, or if they are actually completely unoriginal and think that good thinking is just knowing what other good thinkers think. I can't tell.
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You can study philo and not name drop. It's considered good practice to be intelligeble. That being said, 70% of philo majors are there for law school. 20% are there to seem smart (name droppers). 10% are there out of wonder. Hang with that 10%.
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In terms of what you wrote about meta-awareness, meditation in philosophy, the felt sense of concepts, & so on, I think you'd enjoy Pierre Hadot's work. He advocates for a similar approach, & suggests this is in fact how philosophy should be understood:
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so you like thieves who don't cite their sources since they have better things to do than rote analysis like negotiating thesis and antithesis for synthesis and motivating synthesis to have sex with heist begotten analysis to breed creativity? Nice. For you I'll become Robin Hood