Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
When I feel attracted to someone, I'll ask them on a date, or flirt, or talk to them more, or whatever. Nearly every single time, after getting to know them better, I lose my attraction to them. This is such a common pattern that I've stopped pursuing people I'm attracted to,
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Amine
@DeanAmine
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
You emphasize impulsive attraction too much. Look more for virtuosity and long term value. This isn't just about having fun. It's about having someone to settle down with and build a life with. And don't put out immediately. Wait at least until you establish long term commitment
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Replying to
@DeanAmine
Virtuosity and long term value is a lot of what generates feelings of attraction for me, these days. but also I am not on board the 'don't put out' train. I'm off of it. I leaped off while the train was over a ravine, like, eight years ago.
Amine
@DeanAmine
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I tend to think people who expose themselves (inner & outer) early on have issues with boundaries and often low self esteem. Or they simply don't know what they're doing in terms of a relationship. Wisdom is not opening yourself up enough such that you can be judged so quickly.