When I feel attracted to someone, I'll ask them on a date, or flirt, or talk to them more, or whatever. Nearly every single time, after getting to know them better, I lose my attraction to them. This is such a common pattern that I've stopped pursuing people I'm attracted to,
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Do not idealize anyone.
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Have a problem? Just don't have it.
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What do you find yourself being attracted to?
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The common answer is the mystery of someone new. Once you spend a lot of time with them, their mystery is gone.
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Does the opposite happen? I.e., there's no attraction at first, but you get to know a person despite this, through circumstance, and slowly become more and more attracted to them?
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I’ve seen this happen to others many times, and have experienced somewhat similar things myself. Though in one case, I found the person very attractive. But no special feelings toward that one until a few months later. It’s rather common.
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And will you be alone again tonight my dear?
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Two thoughts: What attracts you? I'm sure this varies. Why does it fade? Is it boredom, you discover they are not what you thought, you have changed to make them less compelling, they act badly, something else? Attraction is putting your idea of someone on them, maybe it matches
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Yes, usually I find out on the second date. Just keep fishing, eventually you’ll get that warm fuzzy feeling down there. But just don’t force anything and always be upfront that you’re not interested in pursuing things romantically anymore. You don’t owe anyone your time.
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I’ve found that with men even if you initially find them attractive you should just treat them as friends the first few times you hang out so that if you end up having to friend zone you don’t have to make the awkward transition from FWB to friendzone.
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