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When I feel attracted to someone, I'll ask them on a date, or flirt, or talk to them more, or whatever. Nearly every single time, after getting to know them better, I lose my attraction to them. This is such a common pattern that I've stopped pursuing people I'm attracted to,

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Aella

@Aella_Girl

because I've learned it'll be fruitless. Does anybody else experience this? How do you deal with it?

11:03 PM · Sep 24, 2019

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You emphasize impulsive attraction too much. Look more for virtuosity and long term value. This isn't just about having fun. It's about having someone to settle down with and build a life with. And don't put out immediately. Wait at least until you establish long term commitment

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Virtuosity and long term value is a lot of what generates feelings of attraction for me, these days. but also I am not on board the 'don't put out' train. I'm off of it. I leaped off while the train was over a ravine, like, eight years ago.

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What causes you to lose your attraction?

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Usually it's one of the following: 1. subtle signals of being intimidated by me 2. red flags re: emotional stability 3. they have difficulty understanding concepts I like to talk about 4. they demonstrate inflexibility of frames/attachment to a certain 'truth' idea

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This is just typical female behaviour re dating; you want to be chased by a confident high status male, not chase an unconfident one. Unless you date girls, in which case ask someone else because I don't know about that.

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Do not idealize anyone.

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What do you find yourself being attracted to?

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Does the opposite happen? I.e., there's no attraction at first, but you get to know a person despite this, through circumstance, and slowly become more and more attracted to them?

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Find people who you think would logically make good fits and get more exciting with time. Then do various tricks to get yourself attracted to them in the short term Find high-EV compatibility then trick the monkey rather than letting the monkey pull you around

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Two thoughts: What attracts you? I'm sure this varies. Why does it fade? Is it boredom, you discover they are not what you thought, you have changed to make them less compelling, they act badly, something else? Attraction is putting your idea of someone on them, maybe it matches