because I've learned it'll be fruitless. Does anybody else experience this? How do you deal with it?
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Do you know what tends to cause the lost attraction?
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Usually it's one of the following: 1. subtle signals of being intimidated by me 2. red flags re: emotional stability 3. they have difficulty understanding concepts I like to talk about 4. they demonstrate inflexibility of frames/attachment to a certain 'truth' idea
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What causes you to lose the attraction, usually?
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Also: have you tried flirting with people you don't feel attracted too? Kind of a stupid question but I can imagine you giving an unexpectedly interesting answer to that
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unfortunately my answer is a very boring 'no'
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Is it that when you get to know them better you see that you are not intellectually or emotionally compatible? Or is it that when they become more of a real person to you (even if you think they're an amazing person) the mystique and excitement go away?
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Yes, I have this too. It seems that what I'm attracted to is novelty. Keeping expectations in check has helped, I think, as well as recognizing that no one is really mysterious once you know them well enough.
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That makes sense! I don't think I'm attracted to novelty to that extent, but probably a lot of people with similar problems to me, are.
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Frayromantic and/or fraysexual might resonate with you?
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I can see how my description sounds like that, but I don't think that's me. Right now I'm most attracted to my partner, and that happened *after* being around him for a long time. I was not attracted to him for over a year before that.
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