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"my ability to function – got weirder and quieter." word, when my ability to participate in consensual reality dipped too much it was time to pump the breaks. Reducing everything to "energy" is a difficult to encapsulate in words, and even more difficult to resonate with folks.
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Thanks for sharing all this. Parts match testimonies I know: tripping on dissociatives, seeking the scary parts of the experience, including the “being stuck in a time loop” feeling, and then dissecting the experience afterwards.
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I don't really view that experience as disassociative, at least not compared to something like ketamine where experiences seemed far away.
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Something that knows everything may yearn only to know what it means to know less (than everything). Maybe the point is to play the infinite game we’ve found ourselves in. Death (and knowing) will come eventually anyway. Seek harmony in the meantime? I don’t know either.