Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I suspect maybe my difficulty 'getting' nonbinary stuff is due to the strong lack of experience in my own life. I grew up in a world where being a woman was very shameful/got you treated worse, but that didn't mess with my gender identity. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I've had a really masculine brain - e.g. my mom dressed me until I was 16 because I didn't care about fashion, I'm particularly analytical, and also aspergery. I've been extremely aware my mind isn't very feminine, but despite this I didn't get weird gender identity feels. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I also don't mind when I'm misgendered. I sometimes pretend to be male online, I enjoy occasionally dressing in drag. I've played a very male role in all my same-sex relationships. Throughout all this, I never felt like I was nonbinary.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Sometimes people assume wrong, negative things about me because I present as female. Sometimes (often?) I am the subject of sexual attention where I feel objectified by men who I want to take me seriously. Sometimes it would be *really* convenient not to be a fuck object. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
All the above are reasons I've heard nonbinary afab people cite for why they're nonbinary, but it doesn't vibe with me. I don't understand what it means to 'feel like a gender' or 'not a gender.' I don't understand what the above reasons have to do with feeling like a woman.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I think I'm a woman because other people seem to think I'm a woman, and the way other people see me seems like a useful thing to play along with. I don't have some woman-sense that exists independent of others, so in this way I deeply don't understand nonbinary people.
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tweety
@weirdwithwords
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
and
@no_man_fathomed
That probably has more to do with the murkiness of the matter. Gender fluid (which, I gotta say, sounds an awful lot like cum) is rather "definition fluid". But that's psychology for you. It's not that we aren't all unique snowflakes, it's just that it doesn't matter much.