Conversation

Aella
@Aella_Girl
I suspect maybe my difficulty 'getting' nonbinary stuff is due to the strong lack of experience in my own life. I grew up in a world where being a woman was very shameful/got you treated worse, but that didn't mess with my gender identity. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I've had a really masculine brain - e.g. my mom dressed me until I was 16 because I didn't care about fashion, I'm particularly analytical, and also aspergery. I've been extremely aware my mind isn't very feminine, but despite this I didn't get weird gender identity feels. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I also don't mind when I'm misgendered. I sometimes pretend to be male online, I enjoy occasionally dressing in drag. I've played a very male role in all my same-sex relationships. Throughout all this, I never felt like I was nonbinary.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
Sometimes people assume wrong, negative things about me because I present as female. Sometimes (often?) I am the subject of sexual attention where I feel objectified by men who I want to take me seriously. Sometimes it would be *really* convenient not to be a fuck object. (cont)
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
All the above are reasons I've heard nonbinary afab people cite for why they're nonbinary, but it doesn't vibe with me. I don't understand what it means to 'feel like a gender' or 'not a gender.' I don't understand what the above reasons have to do with feeling like a woman.
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Aella
@Aella_Girl
I think I'm a woman because other people seem to think I'm a woman, and the way other people see me seems like a useful thing to play along with. I don't have some woman-sense that exists independent of others, so in this way I deeply don't understand nonbinary people.
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Linked Out
@UpperCayce
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
Transpeople can recognize that their brain wants to process information in a way more like their target sex. By the same token, gender fluid people may be recognizing that this is occurring intermittently. I found a potential animal model for this a few weeks back.
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Jareh
@Jareh_London
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
The videos and pictures of you show that you are totally feminine, but you keep saying that you are nonbinary. If someone just see your videos and pictures without reading your posts will not doubt you are a normal woman.
Ria Culpa
@Ria_
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I relate to this on a very serious level. What even is "feeling like a male" outside of stereotypes and completely inane bullshit?
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DC
@CPTLESS
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
There's might be a particular sort of pain with being AFAB that (paradoxically) stings less for you -- partly due to your self-described "aspergery" ways -- and stings more for AFAB nonbinary peeps. I should note that I have no skin in the game and understand little about this.
imuli
@trystimuli
Replying to
@Aella_Girl
I think I'm a nonbinary because other people seem to think I'm a man and if I don't play along it's clear that I don't fit. I also don't have some man-sense that exists independent of others, so in this way I deeply don't understand gendered people.
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