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you've used an assumed name as long as I've known you, people seem to respect that even though they are playing your little game of pretend. Reading this was painful.
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I don't ask people who use my old name to use my new name - I tell them they can use whatever name they want. I'm also 100% fine with people telling me if they feel a sense of pretend with my real name. This is typically not the case with pronouns.
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I mean, the only people I know who live their lives using such terminology 100% are either: 1. From the West coast of the US. 2. Trans themselves. I'd say most people feel internally rather conflicted about the idea whether or not they acquiesce to such requests.
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I can usually handle using “they” although I agree that it comes with an increased cognitive load. I’m less sympathetic to using other pronouns (like xer, hir, vis, etc.) because the cognitive load is so high, and I get the sense that you may just want to be special.
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Your topic reminds me with those people who changed their names it feels weird initially but by the time, things become normal. Some people have high adaptability to changes.
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Maybe this is language having growing pains? Using the "preferred" pronouns feels inauthentic, a barrier to intimacy- a complication that inhibits shared understanding. Maybe you sharing about shoulder brain is helping us evolve towards language that works better?