don't go towards the high horse, aella, don't do it. you can resist.
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fuck i can't stop... the call is too strong.... im climbing on this horse, it's so high, aaaaaaahhhh OUR CULTURE NEEDS TO REJECT TOXIC MONOGAMY AND ITS NORMS THAT RESTRICT VOLUNTARY BEHAVIOR AAAaaahhh oh god it's got me
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"Toxic" is often used to refer to a long standing set of social norms that have been widely accepted and justified, but actually result in a lot of repression, damage, harm, or power imbalance in culture. I think as a whole, 'monogamy' has one foot firmly in this definition.
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Most often, preventing people from getting needs fulfilled, and placing the burden of someone's satisfaction on the other person. Eg, if someone isn't getting enough sex to fulfill them, they're not allowed to look elsewhere and the pressure is on their partner, which hurts both.
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It is perfectly /normal/ to not fuck others while in a monogamous relationship. You are trying to basically add justification to why people cheat and there isn't a justification to that concept. If you know you might cheat, that is all you and your problem. Not monogamy's.
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If people carefully evaluate what they want and choose monogamy, then that's great! The problem is when people assume it's the default without actually checking if it's right for them. Culture isn't exactly kind to ideas of polyamory, as evidenced by things like your response.
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You might have missed my other replies because I explained poly partnerships also can be cheated on. And my response wasn't hostile, you just appeared at first to be dubbing monogamy toxic because it's too frustrating to not desire more than one person. It's how it read off.
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If you can't be down with just one person, then don't, that's fine! I wouldn't say it's grounds to say monogamy is a toxic concept in itself.
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My motivation for calling it toxic is mostly because it's the unquestioned, forceful default in culture. I was playing off toxic masculinity - I don't think people who use that term think masculinity itself is bad.
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Even if we advertised poly as much as monogamy, I still think monogamy would hold up as the standard for most couples. Most people can't get comfortable at the concept of their partners being free to have sex with someone else.
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