I really don't like calling any category of things 'toxic' but I just heard the phrase 'toxic monogamy' and it is's seriously siren calling me from a high horse
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don't go towards the high horse, aella, don't do it. you can resist.
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fuck i can't stop... the call is too strong.... im climbing on this horse, it's so high, aaaaaaahhhh OUR CULTURE NEEDS TO REJECT TOXIC MONOGAMY AND ITS NORMS THAT RESTRICT VOLUNTARY BEHAVIOR AAAaaahhh oh god it's got me
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Speaking as someone who definitely doesn't live a conventional romantic or sex life...monogamy makes nearly everyone way happier than polyamory. Kind of like democratic republicanism, it make not be perfect, but it's far and away the best we've ever come up with.
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It's hard to tell, because it's the unquestioned default and the skills and examples necessary to make poly work are totally absent in all of our media and culture.
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Further, I have a great deal of experience talking to women who try to live a poly life. I can guarantee you that they are almost never happy. The fact is, it’s just doesn’t conform to their true desires. And even when it seems to, still never happy.
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Have you ever been in true poly circles? In the poly community you can find tons of people who've been doing this their whole life and are super happy. I've known I was poly for almost a decade and couldn't imagine doing anything else.
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Of course there are outliers. I'm merely saying that the vast, vast majority of women would never be happy with it. And I've found that the ones that are...there is usually some stuff from childhood that was never dealt with. Not all, of obviously. But there is a pattern.
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Again, I'm just going with what I'm seeing and what I know of evolutionary psychology. It's actually bad new for me, because my and my girlfriend would be a lot better off if all of this wasn't the case. But it is, at least to a very large degree.