Anyway I was on the road and I had to pee. I stopped at a rest area, as one does, and on the way in held the door for some people. One of them said "thank you sir" so I'm like fuck, I'm passing, time for my first ever foray into a public men's room.
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I pee, I come out of the stall, I'm washing my hands, and this dude stops next to me and says "you piss sitting down?" and three things went through my head real quick.
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1) I have not violated The Code here. I have not made eye contact with anyone. I have not indicated by thought, word, or deed that there are any other human beings in this restroom with me.
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2) This dude very definitely violated The Code. He has admitted to paying attention to what other dudes do in the restroom. Also he is belligerent. It doesn't matter if he clocked me as trans or thinks I'm gay or just a liberal soyboy.
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3) I am not actually scared of fisticuffs and I do not want him fucking with younger trans/queer dudes and he violated The Code so I am both allowed and morally obligated to fuck with him at this point.
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I start thinking about how much I would enjoy hunting him through the woods with a spear and I let that inform my face as I straighten up and just tense my core a little bit. The silence is spinning out and getting more fraught.
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I turn to face him and I take off my glasses and set them gently on the sink with a soft *clink*. It's been maybe 1.5 very awkward seconds now during which I have not acted ashamed or rushed to flee. His eyes follow my glasses down to the sink.
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I have been using this time to relax my throat and let my voice settle into my chest because it would be a bad time to squeak. When he looks at me again, I start talking, and my voice is nice and sepulcheral.
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I say, with scrupulous honesty, "Operation Iraqi Freedom, 2003. War will really leave scars, my friend." And then I smile. And I wait. And his imagination does the rest, and he goes white and walks away. Also so does another dude who was pretending we weren't there.
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So I put my glasses back on, dried off my hands, and came home.
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