I'm so tired and something in this house is setting off my sinuses and everything feels terrible and too much right now.
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I pretty much feel these days like there is nothing I can post here that someone isn't going to try and start some kind of shit with me about.
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It's very much a struggle because this is where my audience is, but as that audience grows the less I'm allowed to ever actually be me and articulate any joke or frustration or random observation that isn't perfectly expressed without someone coming in to poke at me.
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I remember when twitter was fun! And now it feels like I have to put as much thought into every damn tweet as I would into a blog post because God forbid I imperfectly express myself, or fail to include sufficient disclaimers, or perform the self that ppl expect wrong.
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I don't know. I would really just like to not feel like ass.
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But I know that people get weird as fuck with you when you hit a certain # of followers. Make a joke, they will tell you why your joke is wrong. Express a frustration, get told you don't get to be frustrated about it. There's this sense people think you're public property.
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Ask an obvious hypothetical question, get endless. Fucking. Answers. Use obvious hyperbole, get lectured to calm down. Mention a medical symptom bugging you and God help you as people pour in with solutions to problems you don't even have.
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My mentions are often just this...incredibly dehumanizing series of 280 character lectures on how I just did/said something wrong. Usually from ppl who don't normally interact with me but are gonna make sure I know they're disappointed.
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Possibly the answer here is reviving my curated locked account so I have a place to talk about things that are of concern to me personally. A place where I can be less performative and more off the cuff
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