Dreams are fucking weird. You lay down, close your eyes, and in the darkness of sleep your brain says, NOW IT'S OUR TIME. WE MUST GO WHERE THE BODY WILL NOT FOLLOW. WELCOME TO YOUR NIGHTLY MISCHIEF ADVENTURE. GET IN THE BUS THAT IS ALSO A DRAGON. YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER IS DRIVING.
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Brain: NOW YOU'RE IN YOUR CHILDHOOD HOME Me: This isn't my childhood home, it's a huge weird mansion? Brain: SURE IT IS JUST GO WITH IT *smashes a buncha buttons, pulls a buncha levers* HOW ABOUT NOW Me: Ennh? Brain: FINE NOW YOU GET A NIGHTMARE *centipedes descend*
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Me: jesus christ with the centipedes Brain: THAT IS WHAT YOU GET FOR DEFYING MY WILL. NOW YOU'RE ON A BOAT. Me: okay what am I doing on the boat Brain: NOW YOU'RE IN CHICAGO Me: wait you *just said* I was on a boat Brain: SHIT CHANGES FAST IN OUR NIGHTTIME ADVENTURE, KEEP UP
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Brain: GOOD NEWS YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER IS BACK Me: she didn't like me very much Brain: YEAH SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU NOW EITHER, SIT STILL WHILE SHE HARANGUES YOU FOR YOUR LIFE CHOICES Me: this sucks *centipedes descend*
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Brain: BOOM NOW YOU'RE BEING CHASED Me: by what?! Brain: I DUNNO I DIDN'T FIGURE THAT PART OUT YET Brain: PROBABLY SOMETHING BAD LIKE, AHHH, UHHH Brain: SERIAL KILLER? YOUR DAD? NO! WAIT. AN ANGRY BOAR WITH THE FACE OF YOUR SECOND GRADE TEACHER Me: mrs. trimby nooooo
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Brain: YOU'RE IN A MALL. THE MALL IS ON FIRE. BUT YOU NEED TO BUY SHOES REALLY BADLY SO GO INTO THE FIRE AND BUY SHOES Me: I don't wanna do that this is dumb as heck I wanna wake up Brain: NO! NO. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO WAKE UP. YOUR MEATFORM IS WEAK. YOUR BODY IS A BETRAYER!
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Brain: NOW YOU'RE NAKED AND TAKING A TEST Me: can we not do this Brain: IT'S A HARD TEST, LIKE, AP MATH OR SOMETHING Me: ugh Brain: AND YOU'RE SINKING IN QUICKSAND AND YOUR FRIENDS WON'T HELP YOU Me: you're such an asshole *centipedes descend*
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Me: I gotta pee Brain: YOU'RE IN THE OCEAN Me: no, I gotta pee, I need to get up Brain: FEELS LIKE THE OCEAN TO ME, NICE AND WARM, SEE, I'M YOUR FRIEND Me: I'm gonna get up and go pee Brain: IGNORE YOUR DEFIANT MEATSACK Brain: STAY WITH ME Brain: PEE YOURSELF IT'S COOL
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Me: *wakes up* Me: *goes pee* Me: hah, see, brain, you don't own me Brain: ... Brain: ... Brain: REMEMBER THAT TIME 16 YEARS AGO YOU SAID SOMETHING DUMB, LET'S THINK ON THAT FOR A WHILE, HEY DON'T FORGET ABOUT POTENTIAL NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION Me: fuck it I'm going back to bed
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I had a recurring dream as a 2yr/3yr old where I kept walking deliberately over a broom my brothers were holding across a doorway going down to the basement, as I would fall down the stairs and when I landed the wall showed God but God was my teacher from French preschool.
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